TODDISMS

Def: Actions or behaviors created, perpetuated, or practiced by Todd.

1. making random darth vader noises at any given moment
2. eating dry cereal out of a cup
3. quoting movie lines before they are said in the movie
4. quoting song lyrics before they are said in the song
5. scratching ear with key
6. dancing to timers and alarms
7. saying "phoooooooone" when something (not a phone) starts to beep ex.microwave
8. watching movie trailers at max volume
9. YouTube recommened full of Reagan speeches and HD4K swimsuit videos
10. overfeeding cats
11. wiping boogers on side of car seat
12. leaving shredded cheese on the kitchen floor
13. leaving dirty onion knife on counter
14. calling all squirrels Mr.Peanuts
15. calling black squirrels Leroy Peanuts
16. breath always stinks
17. eats onions raw
18. eats imitation crab from the bag on the couch with a fork and a mtn dew
19. doesn't wear underwear with jeans
20. sleeps on couch with shoes on
21. has pillows from bed on the couch all the time
22. wagging finger and popping hips to every song
23. always in "meetings" downstairs
24. desk drawer full of crusty white socks
25. always having a bag of rod pretzels in pantry
26. eats chips ahoy dry
27. keeps napkins in pantry
28. spends all money on money and imitation seafood
29. always claims he is the "coolest and/or funniest dad"
30. kins Homer Simpson (more accurately late season Peter Griffin)
31. hiccuping and saying he is drunk
32. fakes throwing up in his hands everytime he burps
33. had a Kik account in 2018
34. never turns on the air conditioning even in 90 degree weather
35. made his senior father clean his gutters
36. saying "little doggy" in a high pitched voice whenever he sees a small dog
37. claims to be an ally when he watches Ben Shapiro and praises Reagen
38. libertarian
39. rarely cleans his house
40. got divorced and became a born again christian
41. constantly does elvis impression
42. "am i winning? am i winning?" when plays video games
43. doesn't make playlists and only plays liked songs on shuffle
44. tells you to rewatch the entire starwars saga when you dont know an obscure refernce
45. thinks covid is fake
46. has had the same haircut for the last 40 years
47. hairless from mid calf down due to wearing the same socks for 30 years
48. calls cheetos "cheese poofs"
49. makes gasping noises when drinking soda as if it was hot or spicy
50. his phone is always greasy
51. skin is shiny and pink
52. poorly clearing throat obnoxiously before farting
53. drinks exclusively mtn dew and pepsi
54. says recycling with emphasis on the "re"
55. has a history degree but only uses it to try and one up people in arguments about politics
56. has a film degree but doesn't use it
57. keeps his readers on his head
58. saying "smokers are jokers" whenever he sees someone smoking
59. singing "deutschland, deutschland" in a deep voice whenever germany is referenced
60. saying "yeah" in a deep voice whenever he sees a black man (i wish i was joking)
61. uses cars that arent his and trashes them like they are
62. keeping taco bell cinnmon twists out on the counter until they become hard and inedible
63. lives off daddy's money
64. always buys lotto tickets when visiting the gas station
65. plays CMT (country music television)